My latest "health scare"

Last night my brain got stuck on the idea that I might get Tetanus.

Did I step on a rusty nail? No. Did I get a deep, dirty cut? No. Did I lightly scrape my finger on a rusty looking fence without breaking skin or bleeding? Yes. Am I up-to-date on my Tetanus shots? Yes.

I compulsively looked up my medical documents to make sure I was within 10 years of my last Tetanus shot. I obsessively googled signs and symptoms of Tetanus. And of course, I reached out to people for reassurance that I will not get this infection and die.

Moving forward, I will try not to ask for reassurance. Instead, I'll reach out to someone I trust, explain to them that I'm having an OCD-related anxiety attack, and ask for distraction. We learn from our mistakes. I'll take this relapse as an opportunity to grow and better myself.

As I sit here and reflect on last night's health scare, I realize just how easy it is to fall back into my old OCD habits. It's an addiction. Ritualizing, being compulsive, and being reassured is like a high. It feels good for a bit, but all highs are temporary. As soon as the high subsides, the anxiety resurfaces and makes me want to keep repeating the behavior that rids me of it.

Side note: this blog post is also acting as exposure therapy, since I had intrusive thoughts when deciding to write it

I'm not crazy. I'm not making any of this up. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm simply being open about my mental health condition. Writing about it helps me a lot. I can only hope that maybe it will also help someone else.

As always, thanks for listening.